Don't ever regret anything. Live life with no regrets.
Ever heard of that before? If you know me well enough, you'll always hear me either say that to myself or preach that to others. I'd like to give a public apology if I've ever preached those words to you because I'm being a hypocrite and going back on my word. There are some things you just can't regret, like grades or not working hard enough or doing drugs.
I know what I regret. Where have I been this whole summer? Not helping out my mom at the house. Not catching up with my sister and asking her about her life-changing experience in Madrid, Italy, France, and all those crazy places. Not hanging out with the homies back home, who I've been through almost everything with in high school. Not playing basketball with my nephew who has looked forward to playing ball with his uncle in the summer ALL school year. Not taking my other little cousin out to get ice cream. What the hell have I been doing?
Taking summer school classes at UCLA. Not only have I messed up so badly this summer in terms of classes, I messed up because I missed out on something so important that I will never be able to get back. I will never be able to get back the time I missed with my family and friends in San Jose.
I will be going home tomorrow, for what I thought was going to be 6 days long. I was planning on coming back to LA before Thursday for training at my job. Instead, I just got an email from my supervisor telling me that training starts Tuesday, 2 days earlier. I wasn't planning on making everything right in 6 days, but how the hell am I supposed to even attempt to do any of those things in just 4 days? I'm not blaming this on anyone but myself. I've dug myself this hole, trying to do everything. Trying to get ahead. Trying to get all this experience to make me look good for medical school. But where is this getting me?
Is this what I really want? I know I want to be a doctor, but do I really want to lose San Jose?
My dear John, I was so excited to see an updated post, but disappointed to hear your struggles. Don't blame yourself and don't even think about regretting summer school! WTF! To get ahead in life, you gotta leave some things and some people behind.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to become a doctor, keep at it. You can't let things hold you back. I'm not saying that you should forget about your family and friends. Put them on hold. Your mamabear would rather have you at school than around the house. Your sisterbear is just a call away. Your cousin is still little. You'll have plenty of other summers and breaks to be his unclebear. Your homeboiz and homegrlz understand you got shit to do! lol! We're proud of you!
I hope this is just homesick-John talking cuz if you're reconsidering your career, we gotta have a serious talk.
Miss ya! Can't wait to see you in 4 months :)